Pepper Spray, Stun Guns, and Tasers… Oh My!

Police in Jefferson County, Colorado are having a problem catching a cigarette-swiping burglar. Apparently this man, dubbed the “Nighttime Nicotine Ninja” is thought to be responsible for at least 118 burglaries, in 18 metro area jurisdictions, while netting $120,000 worth of cigarettes over the past two years.

He is dressed in black and wears a black mask across his face to conceal his identity. Not exactly regulation ninja ensemble, but it works.

However, his key to success is that he strikes gas stations, convenience and liquor stores in the middle of the night, often breaking out front glass windows and doors. Not sure how much noise he is making but at least he is using the cover of the night to act all ninja stealth-like.

At least this guy is getting part of the ninja routine right, unlike our recent katana wielding ninja at the dry cleaners at 8 AM in the freaking morning.

Once inside the store, the “Nicotine Ninja” with discerning taste only steals name brand cartons of cigarettes and leaves the generic brands behind. He also leaves other items untouched, like lottery tickets, cash registers and other typically valuable targets.

Since this ninja is still at large, the rest of the details are still unknown, as far as what ninja weapons he carries or other important tidbits. Just as a ninja would want it too be.

Police are entertaining the possibility that this may be a well coordinated group of ninjas, since there have been so many similar incidents over a rather significantly large but local area.

If the Nicotine Ninja’s 2-year crime spree is any indication, it may be increasingly difficult for the police to foil his next hit, unless of course the Colorado Police deploy an Anti-Ninja Task Force comprised of former ninjas, trained in the art of Ninjitsu.

That or find a Spartan Warrior. (Yes the Spartan beat the Ninja on the Deadliest Warrior TV show.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

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Other Ninja Related Blog posts:

Failed Ninja Robbery Attempt

Kangaroo Intruder Terrorizes Family in Australian Home Invasion

Enter the Whale, the Inconspicuous and the Shark

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In yet another story where some fool makes ninjas look bad, we have a ninja robbery attempt in Weymouth, Massachusetts last week. Witnesses say the man was dressed up like a ninja, and used a ninja sword while trying to rob a dry cleaner.

Apparently, the ninja wearing a ski mask and a sword in a sheath on his belt, walked into a Tedeschi convenience store around 8 AM in the morning. Mistake number one, he should have snuck into the store at night… you know, all sneaky-like in the shadows.

“All the witnesses said he was dressed like a ninja,” says Police Sgt. Richard Fuller. “He was in all black including the black ski mask. And they said it was a ‘ninja sword’ (he was carrying).”

Alarmed by the seemingly armed ninja entering the store, the convenience store clerk started to call the police. The ninja noticed the clerk on the phone. Good pickup, Mr. Ninja.

Next, the man rips off his ninja mask and asks the clerk if she is calling the police on him. Mistake number two, a ninja never reveals his true identity.

When the clerk says she was in fact calling the police on him, he gets scared and walks out of the store. Mistake number three, a ninja doesn’t walk out a door, he drops a smoke bomb and disappears!

So now the ninja walks down the street and enters a nearby Galaxy Cleaners.

The agitated ninja draws his sword and points the katana at the dry cleaner clerk, demanding all of the cash. This clerk tells the gullible ninja that she could not open the drawer.

The ninja now flees the second scene, again, without a smoke bomb cover. What a lame attempt at being a ninja. Mistake number four, if you are lame, you are not a ninja.

The Ninja Master from the Deadliest Warrior show would have been very disappointed.

Police are still searching for the man, who since he pulled off his mask, witnesses can say appeared to be in his late 20s and gave a facial description.

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I have been watching a really good show lately, Deadliest Warrior on Spike TV.

On each Deadliest Warrior episode, they pit two of the most feared warriors in history against each other. Viking vs. Samurai, Ninja vs. Spartan, Pirate vs. Knight… Gladiators, Green Berets, Shaolin Monks, all your favorites get to play.

With real life weapon comparisons and testing, ballistic, forensic and medical expert analysis and computer simulated battles, the show ends with a hypothetical battle, performed by real actors based on the computer’s data analysis. Very 300, Braveheart or Troy like.

Throughout the show there are martial arts or fighting experts of each discipline giving historical background, demonstrating the weapons, techniques and talking smack the whole time.

It is a pretty cool show, even though there is some expert biased and entertainment theatrics thrown in there. The computer can’t take every possible consideration into account, and you can’t actually pull 1000 of each warrior from history and stage an real series of fights to the death and take notes.

No one runs away in these battles. Except the Ninja. While he didn’t run during the computer simulations, the representative Ninja Master did state that he might have just run away and come back to kill the Spartan in his sleep.

So when do you run away?

Demosthenes, an Athenian orator and statesman was also an infantryman at Chaeronea. In August of 338 BC, a great battle took place between the Macedonians and the Athenians.

Demosthenes fled from the battlefield as Macedonia ended up victorious, and 3000 Athenians were killed. Demosthenes was criticized for deserting the battle, but to anyone who called him a coward, Demosthenes responded, “The man who runs away may fight again.”

From that line spoken almost 2500 years ago, the modern day version “He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day” is derived.

So again, when do you run away?

If some punk is trying to steal your wallet at knife-point, you may opt to give it up and hand it over. Hopefully that was all he wanted and leaves. But what if it wasn’t?

What if your kids or spouse was there? I am betting your kids cannot run as fast as you can, or your wife in high heels…

I have made the joke before about the guy that just needs to outrun his buddy, not the bear chasing the two of them. Not really an option on the street… especially with other loved ones involved.

You don’t even have to get all Spartan or Samurai either.

A quick shot of pepper spray just might painfully distract some loser long enough to shuffle your kids to the car and get away or escort the wife to another safe location and call the police. Sucks if you don’t have any.

A stun gun, Taser or other self-defense option may also help. You aren’t trying to stand toe-to-toe in a fight to the death, your intent should be to only stick around long enough to disable your attacker and get away to safety.

Don’t be unprepared. All of the historical warriors had quite the arsenal and knew how to use it. But you aren’t going to need to carry a katana sword, bronze shield or composite bow. Although I bet no one would mess with a guy decked out in a Spartan warrior armor and weapons. At least not to his face…

Pepper spray on the keychain, personal alarm in your pocket, stun gun on your belt. It doesn’t matter what items you choose, just pick a couple and learn how to use them. You won’t necessarily get a spot on Deadliest Warrior, but then again, maybe you can keep yourself out of the Evening News as a victim to a crime.

Be Safe, Be Prepared. This is Sparta!

See Also:
300 Reasons to Learn to Defend Yourself.

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So much for Enter the Dragon, Bruce Lee he is not. Apparently a ninja, or at least a lame attempt at being one unsuccessfully attempted to steal two different ATM machines in sunny Florida over the past few weeks. One outside a bank, one outside a Walgreens.

Authorities in West Palm Beach were reviewing some surveillance footage of a hefty man, squeezed into an authentic looking ninja costume. All that was visibly was the overweight man’s eyes, aside from the bulging beer gut hanging over the belt line. Not exactly a martial arts poster child, Bruce Lee would be sad. Kinda reminds me of the old Chris Farley Beverly Hills Ninja movie.

It was not disclosed actually how the man was attempting to sneak off into the shadows with the ATM machines or the loot contained within, but I’m sure it was more covert than the guy in Ohio.

This guy stood in line at a Stow, Ohio bank for several minutes, with a ski mask on. He politely waited his turn and approached the teller, who then asked him to remove his mask before being served.

As if his intentions were not yet clear, it was then when the ski-masked man produced what ended up being a toy gun, and demanded an undisclosed amount of money.

Much to the surprise of this not-so-stealthy robber, the police were tipped off a few minutes before the attempt, and were able to arrest him rather quickly after a brief car chase. I don’t know, perhaps someone noticed this guy while he waited in line and reported suspicious activity?

The last story for the day is more self-defense related, but involves punching a shark.

Looks like an Australian surfer unloaded his fist into the side of the head of a shark while it bit the leg of his 13-year-old cousin and dragged her under the water.

“He’s extremely brave in his actions. He’s probably saved her life.” says a local police officer.

The two were surfing off Tasmania on Sunday when a 16-foot white-pointer shark grabbed the girl by the leg and dragged her under. Her 20-year-old cousin paddled over, punched the shark, who then released its bite. He then put the girl onto his surfboard and paddled back to the safety of the shore. That is a big freaking shark.

The girl was in stable condition in the hospital and is expected to recover. Luckily, her quick thinking and brave cousin was able to take action and thwart what could have been a fatal encounter.

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