Pepper Spray, Stun Guns, and Tasers… Oh My!

A man in Jackson, Michigan couldn’t quite help himself from getting in a load of trouble last week. Unfortunately, the article did not go into too much detail, as some of the additional background must have been good.

First off her ended up stabbing his mother with a fork. Again not enough details into this portion, so we have to assume the mother is fine.

Next, while riding a stolen bike, he got into another altercation with another woman. Since the fork was no longer readily available, he resorted to using the only other thing he presently had at his disposal. A ten pound plastic bag of frozen chicken.

As much as this begs to be quite humorous, the man struck the woman on the head with the chicken. However since this was no toy rubber chicken, but a solid hunk of frozen fowl, the object opened up a large gash on the woman’s head. She required medical treatment in the amount of 5 surgical stapes to close up the wound.

He is only being charged with one count of felonious assault, while prosecutors dropped additional assault, larceny and other charges. He faces up to 4 years in prison and up to a $2,000 fine.

To continue with some odd food related shenanigans, a woman in Texas was fined $300 for attempting to smuggle some sausage from Mexico this past Friday night. I am not familiar with the exact U.S. Customs and Border Protection regulations for bringing meat across the U.S.-Mexico border, but apparently the custom inspectors decided to ruin this woman’s barbecue plans.

To make this incident interesting, the 21-year-old Southern Texan attempted to hide the chorizo (several links of spicy pork sausage) inside of baby diapers. The diapers were folded to look used, to which the woman declared several “soiled baby diapers” to the border guards.

Failing to get one over on these astute border agents, the suspicious “chunky diapers” did not cut it. The diapers and sausage were confiscated after closer inspection. Luckily for the agents, it was spicy sausage. I’m pretty sure if the diapers were truly soiled, the agents would have been quite unhappy to have to open and prod dirty diapers stored for later refuse.

Not that it would be practical to stuff with sausage, but I wonder if an actual diversion safe would make it past the customs screeners? I mean if you had a some diversion safes that looked like closed cans of soda in your car, perhaps stored in some ice in a small cooler, would the border agents make you pop the tops off a six-pack of Mountain Dew?

I wouldn’t advocate testing this for real at a customs booth, but these diversion safes are nearly indistinguishable from the real thing, and are even weighted to feel full. You aren’t going to be able to squish too much sausage in each one, but I wonder if they would take notice.

I would imagine U.S. Customs and Border Protection guys are trained to look for drugs and other contraband items, but most burglars in your house would pass right by these. Stash your valuables in plain sight in a can of soda, household cleaner container, book or flower pot. No one would even know the difference.

I’m pretty sure I would have to pass on the diaper sausage at the BBQ. We are already not supposed to drink the water down in Mexico, I’d have to imagine improperly stored raw Mexican chorizo might miss some USDA standards…

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Mike was at his sister Beth’s house helping her to put her
affairs back into order after her husband’s death. He was
photographing her valuables for insurance purposes, as Beth
had taken out a new policy. She wanted to keep her own
records and make sure everything was accounted for.

Mike finished up with the pictures and ready to head home,
but Beth asked him to wait. She had two more items to
photograph. Beth then pulled her wedding and engagement ring
from inside the flower pot that held her Easter Lilies —
the same pot that held Poinsettias last December. Mike
snickered at Beth and asked her about her unusual choice of
hiding places.

Beth generally kept the flower pot sitting on the kitchen
counter when it contained flowers, and on the top shelf next
to other empty pots when it didn’t. Mike told her that he
thought the flower pot safe was an odd place for her to keep
her most beloved possessions. But, there they sat, right out
in the open.

But Beth explained that the flower pot diversion safe was,
in fact, the safest place for her treasures. So safe, that
her rings had recently eluded a burglar and one of their
dishonest cousins. The burglar had found the silverware and
the cousin recently took a fair amount of cash out of
Beth’s wall safe. The rings were not touched. She asked
Mike, “Where would a burglar or a thief look first?” After
thinking about it for a moment, Mike had to admit that if he
were a burglar, he wouldn’t even think to look for any
valuables in a flower pot. He was pretty certain that a
burglar would go through drawers and closets, or break into
any obvious safe he or she came across.

When Mike drove home, he thought about the various reasons a
flower pot safe, or any diversion safe, would be useful. He
lived in a low crime area, but he had a lot of company and
so did his three teenage boys. You’d like to believe that
you can trust everyone, but the reality is that you simply
can’t.

Once he arrived home, Mike ordered two flower pot safes and
a soda can safe of his own.

Shouldn’t you?

It has been reported that a burglar spends an average of 8
minutes in the victims home. To put the odds in your favor,
why not simply hide your valuables in plain sight? The
Diversion Safes are a unique home-security product. We offer
a wide template of personal care, household products and
food containers with removable tops and bottoms. Valuables
can be discreetly stored inside these look-a-like containers
and kept in their seemingly rightful places.

The diversion safe soda cans won’t quench your thirst, but
will discourage a thief from finding your most cherished
treasures. Safely stash away anything you choose by twisting
open the top of the can to reveal the secret compartment.
Each is can is even indistinguishable from the genuine
product and is weighted to feel full.

The flower pot safes mentioned in the story of Mike and Beth
will keep jewelry, credit cards, money and important papers
out of sight while decorating with beautiful potted or
artificial plants. The water tray unscrews revealing the
secret compartment, specially designed to keep out dirt and
moisture. Makes an ideal gift! Container size approximately
16 ounces, perfect for a wide variety of valuables.

It would be nice to believe that nothing will happen to
you, but the reality of it is that an ounce of protection
could be worth more than a pound of cure. What is Worth
Protection to you? Your belongings? Your family? Your
personal well-being?

Yours in safety,

Rob

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