Pepper Spray, Stun Guns, and Tasers… Oh My!

Normally for a story like this, I would try to suggest and plug some sort of security device. An alarm, a Telespy, Voice Alert System…

But in this case, I think nothing was better.

Apparently a 22-year-old thief attempted to break into a supermarket in southern Portugal. The rather slim man thought he could squeeze his way through a small window and gain access to the building.

Sounded like a good plan, until he made it half-way through… and got stuck. And stuck he stayed for about 9 long hours.

“Once he got his upper body inside, there was nothing there to find support on, so he was stuck at his waist… It’s not uncommon for thieves to get inside and then not be able to get out after a burglary, but this was quite unusual,” says the local police chief, Captain Santos of Loule.

Once he was discovered the next morning, it took another 2 hours for the fire department and police to get him free. Well, free from the window, he went straight to jail after that.

Amusing as it sounds so far, the man also lost his pants during the incident.

“Apparently he dropped his trousers as he was trying to free himself by wiggling,” says. Capt. Santos.

So if the establishment had some sort of alarm system, perhaps the poor soul would have been rescued sooner. I bet the would-be thief wished there was an alarm. It’s gotta suck to be stuck in a window for 11 hours with your pants down at your ankles…

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Popularity: 1% [?]

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Sunday, November 8, 2009; 1:49 PM
by Ken Stanton

“I’m making a bold prediction: this year, the bill will pass to allow state-permitted individuals to carry on Virginia’s public campuses; next week, we will be making the case for it.

November 9 – 14 is Defense Education Week, hosted by Students for Concealed Carry on Campus at colleges across the country, where the issue will be brought forward as we advocate for self-defense rights on campus. The argument is simple: there are no grounds to deny the right to carry on campus lawfully and responsibly for the purpose of self-defense.

Campus is not immune to crime, and students, faculty, and staff who have permits should have the choice to carry while on campus, with their firearm being a last resort should their lives be endangered. Such permitted individuals must be 21, have had a background check, and have received training, some of the best measures in the country to ensure responsibility when carrying.”

For the rest of this article, please continue to http://www.collegiatetimes.com/stories/14619/concealed-carry-is-coming-to-virginia-campuses

Pepper Spray, Stun Guns, TASER Devices, Self Defense Products

Popularity: 1% [?]

Police arrested two people last week for the theft of a baby skunk from a Animal Crackers Pet Store in Sarasota, Florida. It is reported that the animal in question was valued at a whopping $400.

$400 for a freaking skunk? I have those in my backyard. Anyone want to buy a skunk? They are not descented, but that can’t cost that much…

I suppose baby skunks are cute enough, but they only grow into one thing. Big ugly skunks. Pepe Le Pew they are not.

Authorities reported they arrested the 21-year-old skunknapper the next day when he tried to return the skunk to the store.

What’s the matter? After a day he realized the skunk stunk as a pet?

Authorities also arrested a 20-year-old woman connected to the theft while she was at work.

The man who actually stole the baby skunk, was charged with grand theft (skunk). The woman was charged with accessory to grand theft (skunk).

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Popularity: 2% [?]

It seems the news of Michael Jackson’s death sparked a heated and potentially fatal debate on a Florida bus.

According to Police reports, bus passenger James Kiernan received a text message about the pop star’s death on his cell phone while riding the bus through downtown North Lauderdale this past Thursday.

the 60-year-old Kiernan proceeded to read the late breaking news aloud to the other passengers on the bus.

Apparently the bus driver quickly voiced his opinion “Michael Jackson should have been in jail long ago,” referring to the myriad of child molestation charges and other questionable activities that have plagued Jackson’s personal life over the past several years.

“The world just lost a great musical talent,” retorted a sympathetic Kiernan.

It was then that another passenger, Henry Wideman entered the exchange and escalated the debate into a swearing match. It was reported the Wideman then further escalated the situation by pulling a knife and chasing Kiernan down the bus aisle.

The driver, who seeming fueled the initial altercation, called his dispatcher to report the scuffle to the police. He then pulled the bus over at a nearby convenience store and waited for police to arrive.

54-year-old Wideman was arrested and booked on the charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Patricia Adams has been charged with two counts of petit larceny and was then released with a ticket to appear in court later.

Apparently during services at Our Lady of Hope Catholic Church in New York this past weekend, Adams leaned over a church pew and stole cash from the purse of a parishioner kneeling down praying in front of her.

An usher watched the sinful act as it happened and called the police. When Adams attempted to leave the church after mass ended, the police arrested her, recovered the money and returned it to the unsuspecting victim.

To make the story worse, this was not the first time the 46-year-old Adams helped herself to someone else’s purse during mass. In May, the woman stole cash from a purse left on a pew when another parishioner went to the altar to receive communion.

Looks like someone is in need of a trip to the confessional.

Be Safe, Be Prepared, Watch where you leave your purse and who is behind you, even in the house of the Lord.

Popularity: 2% [?]

The Mexican Navy has intercepted and seized a cocaine shipment bound for the United States.

Not necessarily unusual news. There are reports of illegal drug smuggling and other contraband items confiscated all the time.

Drug cartels are routinely going to great lengths in attempts to conceal their illegal cargo and get stuff across borders. The simple mislabeling boxes doesn’t work anymore.

“40 crates of [ S O A P ], huh? Let’s pop one open and see here…”

Some of the more creative ways include packing narcotics inside sealed beer cans, living room furniture, crates of hollowed out religious statues, the list goes on and on.

Remember that story about the “soiled diapers” stuffed with sausage?

But back to the latest bust by the Mexican Navy. Probably the most creative attempt I have heard yet…

Over a ton of cocaine was stuffed inside 20 frozen shark carcasses. The sharks were gutted, filled with slabs of cocaine, and frozen to be passed off as a shipment of seafood.

When initially discovered by X-rays and drug-sniffing dogs, the crew attempted to convince the Navy officers that the packages were a conserving agent to keep the seafood fresh. Not buying the ruse, the conserving agent was further tested to reveal its true composition.

Felipe Calderon, President of Mexico has been patrolling almost 50,000 federal police and military troops across Mexico in attempts to crush the powerful smuggling cartels’ efforts. However, heavily armed drug traffickers with huge arsenals of grenades and automatic weapons are far being defeated as violence has begun to spill over into U.S. states like Arizona.

Since the Mexican Navy has spilled the beans, it looks like we will have to stick to our normal diversion safe products for now. Our development into the Frozen Diversion Safe Shark carcasses will have to cease. Which is unfortunate, because that would have been pretty cool.

No pun intended.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Let’s not be too obvious here. But if your hair is dyed fire-engine red, wear a hat when robbing a home…

Peekskill police report a burglar in his home awakened a resident on Tuesday. The burglar made off with some computer equipment and a camera, but while exiting the premises, the victim caught a glimpse of the burglar’s extremely unique locks.

The description the victim gave, to include the flame red hair, was given to local and neighboring police departments. I mean, how many perps can be walking around in partial clown gear?

The suspect was spotted several hours later getting off a bus near his home in Ossining, NY. Ossining authorities immediately recognized the man from the description sent out by the Peekskill police and caught “Red Hair-ed”.

Ronald McDonald (aka 21-year-old Eduardo Lazcano) was arrested and charged with burglary and grand larceny.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Our newest Home Security and Personal Protection Alarms are in stock and ready to be shipped.

The UFO Alarm is the most versatile personal/home alarm that we carry. It is available in 6 colors, Pink, Sky Blue, Limeade Green, Ivory White Metallic Silver and Matte Black.

They are easy to set-up and operate in any of these following scenarios:

As a Burglar Alarm: The UFO Alarm has a patented and innovative design allows the alarm to be armed from the outside using the alligator clip and rubber shim

As a Door/Window Alarm: Use The UFO Alarm’s alligator clip to secure your doors and windows

As a Drawer/Cupboard Alarm: Use The UFO Alarm’s alligator clip to protect your private documents and valuables

As a Personal Alarm: If you’re threatened, press the panic button or pull the wrist strap to activate The UFO Alarm

As a Anti-Snatch Bag Alarm: If your bag or purse is snatched, The UFO Alarm will sound

As a Flashlight: A bright light projects from the bottom of The UFO Alarm.

An Effective Security Device with an Exquisite UFO Design – A Peace Of Mind When Out, A Sense Of Security At Home.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Normally, diversion safes are constructed of regular household objects, like soda cans, cleaning products, books or flower pots. They are a pretty ingenious device to store your valuables safely, in plain sight.

Besides the commonly used objects, if you did it correctly, you could use just about anything to deceptively hide valuables around the house. The worst (or best, depending on how you look at it) I have actually seen for sale was fake “dirty underwear” with a hidden compartment to hide cash. Not something a burglar would want to sift through looking for an easy score, unless of course skid marks were your thing.

Now I have heard of hiding money under your mattress before, but this Israeli woman in Tel Aviv took this a little too far. Citing some sort of “traumatic experiences with banks” in the past, this woman decided to hide her life savings inside an old mattress.

That’s all well and good, except when she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise present, she threw out the old mattress. Yes, the mattress that she claims was stuffed with almost $1 million dollars in Israeli Shekels and US Dollars.

That is one heck of a Diversion Safe.

I can imagine a mattress with that much cash would be slightly uncomfortable to sleep on, no wonder the mother wanted a new bed. But then on the other hand, that is something I would NOT forget about retrieving before pitching out the trash.

“I woke up in the morning screaming, when it hit me what happened,” said the woman when she finally realized what she did the day prior. “It was all my money in the world.”

Efforts to locate the discarded mattress and cash have so far come back unsuccessful. The trash was already picked up and sent to a local landfill, but after searching at least three locations, she has turned up zilch.

There is really no way to verify her claim, and she isn’t disclosing too many details yet. Wouldn’t want every treasure hunter in Israel looking for an old mattress stuffed with a cool million. Israeli authorities did not have a report filed.

Wonder how this “traumatic experience with beds” is going to change her banking habits?

A manager at one of the dump sites said his staff was assisting the “totally desperate” woman, but with over 2,500 tons of garbage arriving every day, chances of finding the mattress in the garbage stack are getting slimmer.

The manager also reported he increased the security at the facility to keep other would-be treasure hunters out.

Sure… Good luck with that.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

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Other Diversion Safe Related Blog Posts:

Diversion Safes, Better than a Cardboard Box

Fake Out the Burglars and Beat Them at Their Own Game

Popularity: 6% [?]

Apparently this guy picked the wrong mobile home to mess with.

A 31-year-old woman in Lake Placid, Florida returned home around 9:30 PM to find an unfamiliar bicycle in her front yard. On further inspection, she also heard footsteps in her mobile home.

Since her home had been burglarized in the past, she left to get a male cousin to help here investigate. Armed with a shovel, they found many of her belongings ransacked throughout the home. When they entered the master bedroom and turned on the lights, the 22-year-old burglar was spotted attempting to hide in the closet.

The woman clocked the burglar upside his head with the shovel and her cousin wrestled him to the ground. While subdued, the woman called the police.

Authorities reported the burglar had “considerable difficulty standing and appeared to be slipping in and out of consciousness” after being handcuffed and led the patrol car.

The would-be burglar was taken to a local hospital and checked out, but was unable to give a “cognizant statement” to the police due to the trauma he received at the hands of the home owner that evening.

They booked him on an unarmed burglary of an occupied dwelling charge and coincidentally he had just gotten out of jail a few weeks ago on a charge of first-degree arson of an occupied building. He also has a lengthy arrest record.

“It worked out, but that wasn’t the safest course of action,” says one of the local authorities. “When she saw the bicycle, she should have called us and we could have gone inside for her.”

Kind of reminds me of the Man Steals Burglars’ Getaway Van story from February. She should have taken the burglar’s bike and hid it somewhere. Dude, Where’s my bike?

Be Safe, Be Prepared. Check out some of our Home Protection options, you never know when your shovel won’t be readily available.

Popularity: 7% [?]

A guy in Athens, Georgia took matters into his own hands when his TV was stolen in a burglary, Friday the 13th style.

Apparently the theft victim confronted the man he blamed for the robbery by smashing out the driver’s side window of the suspect’s SUV. When the suspect got of of the vehicle, the guy slashed him with a machete.

Cutting the suspect’s wrist to the bone, a doctor later told the authorities that if the machete struck the suspect’s wrist more squarely, the weapon could have hacked his hand clean off. Jason Voorhees would not have made that mistake.

After being assaulted, the suspect took off, to be pulled over for a motor vehicle violation later that evening. When stopped, the officer saw the large gash just above the man’s wrist.

The officer arrested the suspect on two previous probation violation warrants and took him to Athens Regional Medical Center. It was then the suspect reported that he was attacked with a machete by a man earlier that night.

Doctors stitched the suspect’s wound, put his arm in a splint and released him back to the police.

I don’t think he will be ripping anyone else off anytime soon.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

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Other Machete Related Blog Posts:

No Coconuts for You!

Machete Becoming Bay State’s Weapon of Choice?

Machete Attack Leaves Two Hospitalized

Popularity: 8% [?]

I can’t wait for the results of this one…

Someone in the French penal system must be thinking, “What could possibly go wrong?”

Apparently it has been decided that a 1,400 mile (2,300 km) Inmate Tour de France on June 4 would be a excellent idea to foster values like teamwork and effort.

Starting in the northern city of Lille, they are expecting almost 200 prisoners to bicycle around the country with 17 stops in towns with prisons. Which incidentally doesn’t really matter since the cycling inmates will not bunk in the jails, but will be put up in hotel rooms.

Don’t worry about supervision, 124 guards and prison sports instructors will accompany them during their race.

Wait, it really isn’t a race, there will be no place ranking. Remember, the idea is to foster values like teamwork and effort. The 196 prisoners will only cycle in a pack and there will be no breakaway sprints allowed.

“It’s a kind of escape for us, a chance to break away from the daily reality of prison,” says a 48-year-old prisoner.

Really? An escape and chance to break away?

So let’s do the math here. 196 inmates released to do a 1,400 mile bicycle tour with 124 guards and sports instructors… If all the inmates work together and decide to “kind of escape” about 700 miles out, and if all of the guards decide to chase and catch one different prisoner, that still leaves 72 unmatched fleeing inmates. On bikes… In the middle of nowhere…

“This project aims to help these men reintegrate into society by fostering values like effort, teamwork and self-esteem,” says Sylvie Marion of the prison authorities.

“We want to show them that with some training, you can achieve your goals and start a new life,” she said.

Following real Tour de France tradition, the finish line will be in Paris. If they all make it that far.

Good Luck with that one France.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.
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Past Bicycle Related Blog Posts:

How safe is your bike?

Lance Armstrong Bicycle Jacked!

Thief steals 66-year-old bicycle from an 83-year-old woman

Popularity: 10% [?]

15-year-old Taylor Ray Jetter is a Girl Scout, as well as a member of the Linton Middle School basketball team, choir and leadership team in Penn Hills, Pennsylvania.

Unfortunately, a disciplinary hearing this past Wednesday has school officials recommending she is expelled for the rest of this school year and another 45 days next year for carrying a weapon to school.

So what dangerous weapon was found during a random search of her purse and got her suspended?

A gun? No. A knife? Nope. Um, an eyebrow shaver? Ding, ding!

Are you serious? I’m thinking someone should recommend some school officials be removed from office.

Just where and when have we lost all shreads of common sense here?

Of course the teen didn’t consider the eyebrow trimmer a weapon and now fears this action may hurt her chances of becoming a nurse-anesthetist. I’m sure most rational thinking people would not consider it a weapon, unless you are some sort of idiot.

Linton Middle School released an official statement saying they have a “standard disciplinary policy that addresses all students equally.”

So good grooming practices are frowned upon here or are a bunch of bushy eyebrows feeling threatened and complaining to the principal?

Are these school officials high-fiving themselves for preventing some sort of murderous Columbine-like rampage by a girl scout with a cosmetic accessory?

I am sure there are several different kinds of eyebrow shavers and trimmers out there but I found a picture of what some of them look like.

WARNING: Please don’t be afraid! This is only a picture and the image can NOT hurt you in anyway!

Be Safe, Be Prepared. Shave your eyebrows in the safety of your home.

Popularity: 10% [?]

I usually tend to side with law enforcement on Taser use. Typically you have the cases of belligerent, drunk or otherwise unruly individuals resisting arrest or failing to obey the simple orders of a police officer. Then they get tased and wonder why. Don’t Tase me, Bro!

But this story out of Warren, Michigan leaves me puzzled.

Apparently, 911 was called when someone saw a huge cat, bearing resemblance to a 150-pound cougar in Bates Park. I suppose that report would cause some concern.

Local police dispatched 10 officers to the scene of the prowling cougar and the animal’s silhouette was spotted hiding in a cement drain pipe.

A Taser was deployed and the animal was zapped. It was then they realized it was only a toy stuffed animal.

Roar I Say!

The Police Commissioner said investigators now believe the incident was a prank that cost the police department about $1,000 in wasted police hours from responding to the scene and filling out associated paperwork.

Ashton Kutcher was not reported on the scene, so it probably wasn’t an episode of PUNK’D.

But now the citizens of Warren can rest assured that there is one less stuffed animal on the loose.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

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Related Taser Stories:

Don’t Tase the Emu, Bro!

Mixed Martial Arts Champ KO’d by Stun Gun

Popularity: 11% [?]

A 17-year-old in North Carolina attempted to holdup an internet café after requesting a Mountain Dew by pointing a concealed banana under his shirt at the owner.

“Is that a banana in your shirt or are you just happy to see me?”

The café owner and another customer grabbed the teen and the weapon was revealed to be a fruit, not a firearm. The police were called just after 1 AM and as the owner and customer held the teen in a chair, the would-be robber ate the banana.

I suppose using a banana is more realistic because trying to just point your finger under your shirt to resemble a gun isn’t quite as believable.

“If he had had a gun he would’ve shot me,” owner, Bobby Ray Mabe said. “But he had a banana.”

“And the deputy said, ‘Aha! He ate the evidence,’” Mabe said. “But we had the banana peel, and they took a picture of it.”

Now if he was able to stomach eating the peel too…

The teen was later charged with one count of attempted armed robbery and the Deputies joked about charging him with the destruction of evidence.

Apparently he was also charged with a robbery of a nearby Kangaroo Express that occurred just before the internet café incident.

Perhaps he stole the banana at the Kangaroo Express?

Be Safe, Be Prepared. Eat your bananas, they have lots of potassium.

Popularity: 12% [?]

You’ve heard that old US Postal Service slogan “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”, or whichever other variation applies.

I suppose weather conditions are one thing, just don’t add a dog in the mix. Especially a 20-pound Jack Russell terrier.

Apparently a frisky Jack Russell terrier in Clarksburg, West Virginia has interrupted the mail delivery to at least seven homes on Milford Street.

A mail carrier was even injured after falling down trying to run away from the dog named Cozmo.

Cozmo’s owners have said the dog has never bitten anyone, but has escaped the yard a few times.

The owners and neighbors have been told their mail delivery will not resume until Cozmo is no longer residing there. Bad Cosmo!

Nothing a shot of pepper spray wouldn’t solve.

EPA approved Mace™ Muzzle pepper spray for dogs provides safe, effective and humane protection against canine attack. It is ideal protection for walkers, joggers, cyclists or delivery people and stops attacking dogs, forcing them to retreat.

You’ll never have to be scared of another dog if you keep >”Mace Muzzle with you whenever you’re out.

“Mace Muzzle canine repellent is an excellent product for defending against attacking dogs.”

This specially formulated pepper spray is designed specifically for dogs and has been proven to be effective in encounters with aggressive canines. If a dog attacks you, spraying this repellent in it’s face will stop him in his tracks.

It will overpower the animal and he will retreat. If you jog or take walks, then you should carry this dog spray with you. It is lightweight, easily accessible, and will provide fast protection when you need it most.

I’m not sure why a canister of dog repellent isn’t standard issue for all UPS drivers, US Postal Mail carriers and all other delivery personnel that routinely encounter animals.

We aren’t spraying to hurt the animals, we are spraying to stop the animal from hurting us. It is normal for most dogs to roll on the ground and rub their eyes in an attempt to remove the spray from the facial area. The painful, irritating effects usually wear off within several minutes, leaving the dog unharmed, but perhaps a tad wiser…

Dogs aren’t stupid. They will get the point.

Protect yourself, Protect your family, Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Police in Jefferson County, Colorado are having a problem catching a cigarette-swiping burglar. Apparently this man, dubbed the “Nighttime Nicotine Ninja” is thought to be responsible for at least 118 burglaries, in 18 metro area jurisdictions, while netting $120,000 worth of cigarettes over the past two years.

He is dressed in black and wears a black mask across his face to conceal his identity. Not exactly regulation ninja ensemble, but it works.

However, his key to success is that he strikes gas stations, convenience and liquor stores in the middle of the night, often breaking out front glass windows and doors. Not sure how much noise he is making but at least he is using the cover of the night to act all ninja stealth-like.

At least this guy is getting part of the ninja routine right, unlike our recent katana wielding ninja at the dry cleaners at 8 AM in the freaking morning.

Once inside the store, the “Nicotine Ninja” with discerning taste only steals name brand cartons of cigarettes and leaves the generic brands behind. He also leaves other items untouched, like lottery tickets, cash registers and other typically valuable targets.

Since this ninja is still at large, the rest of the details are still unknown, as far as what ninja weapons he carries or other important tidbits. Just as a ninja would want it too be.

Police are entertaining the possibility that this may be a well coordinated group of ninjas, since there have been so many similar incidents over a rather significantly large but local area.

If the Nicotine Ninja’s 2-year crime spree is any indication, it may be increasingly difficult for the police to foil his next hit, unless of course the Colorado Police deploy an Anti-Ninja Task Force comprised of former ninjas, trained in the art of Ninjitsu.

That or find a Spartan Warrior. (Yes the Spartan beat the Ninja on the Deadliest Warrior TV show.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

.

Other Ninja Related Blog posts:

Failed Ninja Robbery Attempt

Kangaroo Intruder Terrorizes Family in Australian Home Invasion

Enter the Whale, the Inconspicuous and the Shark

Popularity: 13% [?]

Awhile back, TASER came out with some cool TASER® C2™ models. They had a Forest Camouflage, a Desert Camouflage, Fashion Pink, Red Hot and an interesting Leopard Print to choose from along with the standard Electric Blue, Black Pearl, Titanium Silver and Metallic Pink models.

It seemed that there was a TASER of a different color to satisfy just about anyone’s sense of fashion and taste.

Sadly, a few of the models have hit the chopping block. I wouldn’t have thought that it would be a big deal to carry several different plastic casings, all of the guts are still the same, but apparently 9 flavors is too many.

Forest Camouflage, Desert Camouflage, Fashion Pink, and Leopard Print are now no longer being produced. If you have one already, it will still be covered under TASER Warranty but they are now Collector’s Items.

The ADVANCED TASER® M-18™ and M-18L™ has also been deemed obsolete and will no longer be offered. Instead, the TASER® X26C™, modeled after the TASER® X26C™ Law Enforcement model will continue to be offered to civilians.

So now your TASER C2 Devices are still available in Electric Blue, Black Pearl, Titanium Silver, Metallic Pink and Red Hot (Black Pearl only without Laser sight) and the TASER X26C is available in Black.

In police studies, the TASER X26C and TASER C2 has a higher instant incapacitation rate than 9mm hand guns. The civilian model TASER Devices shoots out 2 darts attached to 15 feet of wire. 50,000 volts travels over the wires and over-rides the central nervous system providing incredible takedown power.

Not everyone wants to carry a firearm with the potential for taking a life in self-defense. Normal stun guns require you to be dangerously close to your attacker (although your TASER Device can be used as a contact stun gun in a pinch). The personal TASER X26C and TASER C2s eliminates these problems and provides a less-than-lethal way to stop aggression and allow you quickly escape to contact the police.

Be Safe, Be Prepared.

Other Related TASER Blog Posts:

Your Life is Worth More than the Cost of a TASER

Who Would Win a Fight, a TASER or a Stun Gun?

Popularity: 13% [?]

In yet another story where some fool makes ninjas look bad, we have a ninja robbery attempt in Weymouth, Massachusetts last week. Witnesses say the man was dressed up like a ninja, and used a ninja sword while trying to rob a dry cleaner.

Apparently, the ninja wearing a ski mask and a sword in a sheath on his belt, walked into a Tedeschi convenience store around 8 AM in the morning. Mistake number one, he should have snuck into the store at night… you know, all sneaky-like in the shadows.

“All the witnesses said he was dressed like a ninja,” says Police Sgt. Richard Fuller. “He was in all black including the black ski mask. And they said it was a ‘ninja sword’ (he was carrying).”

Alarmed by the seemingly armed ninja entering the store, the convenience store clerk started to call the police. The ninja noticed the clerk on the phone. Good pickup, Mr. Ninja.

Next, the man rips off his ninja mask and asks the clerk if she is calling the police on him. Mistake number two, a ninja never reveals his true identity.

When the clerk says she was in fact calling the police on him, he gets scared and walks out of the store. Mistake number three, a ninja doesn’t walk out a door, he drops a smoke bomb and disappears!

So now the ninja walks down the street and enters a nearby Galaxy Cleaners.

The agitated ninja draws his sword and points the katana at the dry cleaner clerk, demanding all of the cash. This clerk tells the gullible ninja that she could not open the drawer.

The ninja now flees the second scene, again, without a smoke bomb cover. What a lame attempt at being a ninja. Mistake number four, if you are lame, you are not a ninja.

The Ninja Master from the Deadliest Warrior show would have been very disappointed.

Police are still searching for the man, who since he pulled off his mask, witnesses can say appeared to be in his late 20s and gave a facial description.

Popularity: 15% [?]

I have been watching a really good show lately, Deadliest Warrior on Spike TV.

On each Deadliest Warrior episode, they pit two of the most feared warriors in history against each other. Viking vs. Samurai, Ninja vs. Spartan, Pirate vs. Knight… Gladiators, Green Berets, Shaolin Monks, all your favorites get to play.

With real life weapon comparisons and testing, ballistic, forensic and medical expert analysis and computer simulated battles, the show ends with a hypothetical battle, performed by real actors based on the computer’s data analysis. Very 300, Braveheart or Troy like.

Throughout the show there are martial arts or fighting experts of each discipline giving historical background, demonstrating the weapons, techniques and talking smack the whole time.

It is a pretty cool show, even though there is some expert biased and entertainment theatrics thrown in there. The computer can’t take every possible consideration into account, and you can’t actually pull 1000 of each warrior from history and stage an real series of fights to the death and take notes.

No one runs away in these battles. Except the Ninja. While he didn’t run during the computer simulations, the representative Ninja Master did state that he might have just run away and come back to kill the Spartan in his sleep.

So when do you run away?

Demosthenes, an Athenian orator and statesman was also an infantryman at Chaeronea. In August of 338 BC, a great battle took place between the Macedonians and the Athenians.

Demosthenes fled from the battlefield as Macedonia ended up victorious, and 3000 Athenians were killed. Demosthenes was criticized for deserting the battle, but to anyone who called him a coward, Demosthenes responded, “The man who runs away may fight again.”

From that line spoken almost 2500 years ago, the modern day version “He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day” is derived.

So again, when do you run away?

If some punk is trying to steal your wallet at knife-point, you may opt to give it up and hand it over. Hopefully that was all he wanted and leaves. But what if it wasn’t?

What if your kids or spouse was there? I am betting your kids cannot run as fast as you can, or your wife in high heels…

I have made the joke before about the guy that just needs to outrun his buddy, not the bear chasing the two of them. Not really an option on the street… especially with other loved ones involved.

You don’t even have to get all Spartan or Samurai either.

A quick shot of pepper spray just might painfully distract some loser long enough to shuffle your kids to the car and get away or escort the wife to another safe location and call the police. Sucks if you don’t have any.

A stun gun, Taser or other self-defense option may also help. You aren’t trying to stand toe-to-toe in a fight to the death, your intent should be to only stick around long enough to disable your attacker and get away to safety.

Don’t be unprepared. All of the historical warriors had quite the arsenal and knew how to use it. But you aren’t going to need to carry a katana sword, bronze shield or composite bow. Although I bet no one would mess with a guy decked out in a Spartan warrior armor and weapons. At least not to his face…

Pepper spray on the keychain, personal alarm in your pocket, stun gun on your belt. It doesn’t matter what items you choose, just pick a couple and learn how to use them. You won’t necessarily get a spot on Deadliest Warrior, but then again, maybe you can keep yourself out of the Evening News as a victim to a crime.

Be Safe, Be Prepared. This is Sparta!

See Also:
300 Reasons to Learn to Defend Yourself.

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